You don’t want any complications.
You’re still not ready to feel the happiness that being in love brings because you’re still too weak to face all the pain it also brings.
You’re maybe the girl he accompanies everyday, but you’ll never be the girl he’ll go out of his way for.
You’re maybe the girl that makes him laugh but you will never be the girl that gives him his genuine smiles.
You’re maybe the girl that he sees everyday but you will never be the girl that makes his world stops and just focused on that one particular girl.
He may share to you every single moment in his life, but you’ll never be the girl he wished to spend those moments with.
I know it hurts while he’s looking at your eyes and it’s finding someone else’s eyes. It struck in your heart like a sharp knife; so painful, so bloody. But you cant do anything about it. Because you know deep inside that you chose to never do anything to change that. You chose to be in the most stereotypical relationship you can have with someone you like; friends. You sit on your bed, trying to contemplate about your life decisions. Because you are sure that he will stay in your life forever, but as friends. But even when you finally have the courage to follow what your hearts say,
you will never be the girl he chooses.
L E A VE
Don’t hurt yourself more. You should know by now that he will choose to be with her no matter how hard you try to make an effort for him to feel your presence. Because he’s maybe aware about your feelings but he will never be conscious about it.
S T A N D U P
Spare yourself from so much pain. You know you’ve been avoiding this situation from anyone that’s why you keep on pushing people away. You cant afford to make another regrettable moment in your life. Slam the door now while you still have the chance. You wont be able to move out when the time’s up.
Isn’t it painful hearing him laugh because of her stories? Isn’t it painful to see him happy by just sitting beside her? Isn’t the pain enough to make you want to get up and leave? Look into his eyes. You know you cant see that light whenever you’re together. It only appears when she’s looking at her. And yes it’s enough to make you leave. But you’re too dumb to get up and save yourself from so much pain.
FAREWELL BEFORE THE GOODBYES ARE SAID
Whenever i meet new people, i try to put in my mind that everyone has their own walls. Built by pain, sorrows and heartbreaks. So strong and so tall that they used to cover up the past, used to protect themselves from further heartaches and used to stop people from getting into their lives.
That is why i wait. I wait no matter how long for them to not break their walls for me. But to make a new door to let me it.
You were starting to let me in. You’ve shared multiple stories about your childhood, your family and your friends. I don’t know what went wrong.
I tried so hard to let you enjoy life the way i do. Because i want to remove that coldness in your eyes.
I want you to realize that giving a shit about other people can break you but it can fill your hearts with emotions that no one can explain.
I want you to stop being afraid and just jump into the unknown.
I want you to realize that everything is worth taking risks.
I want you to realize that it’s better to live a life full of oh wells than living with what ifs.
And most, i want you to be happy. Genuinely happy that your eyes will spark.
I let you in my world, share to you my past, my plans and my dreams. Without thinking that i, myself is breaking my own walls. But i didn’t think about it. Because i know in the end, it would be worth it seeing you smile and stop seeing the coldness in your eyes.
But you keep on pushing me away. And i don’t understand why you keep on denying that for once, you did enjoy living the life the way i do. I’m not sure how to pull you out of your zone anymore. I’ve tried hard enough only to be kicked out again.
Maybe i’m not the bridge you’re willing to take.
And maybe it’s a little bit too early to cut it off but i’m ruining my own walls trying to get you from one side into the other side of the bridge. And i’m not sure if i could still do it again.